Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Weighed down...

I have been depressed lately. I really try to be upbeat, but I have been letting my depression have free reign lately, and it's getting out of hand. I have been snapping at the kids, I've been just barely able to crack a smile. I dream literally of running away some days. I would never do that in a million years, but the fact that I dream it scares me.

Part of my problem is my lifelong addiction to food. It's not a four pack (of frappucinos!) a day type habit, more like a smoke-em-if-you-got-em kind of thing. If there's junk in the house, I'll eat it. If there not junk in the house, I'll find an excuse to leave the house so I can get some. I'm addicted to soda, especially loving Mt. Dew and Coke. I love chocolate, and I buy a candy bar way more often than I should.

I'm also addicted to the time and places that I eat. I always want to eat during a movie. I eat while I read. I can't go shopping without a huge soda and a snack of some kind. I get a soda pretty much every time I go out of the house.

I never exercise, either. I feel like a lot (most) of the depression and negativity I'm feeling is just lack of exercise and an overabundance of junk food, which fuels the depression, which makes me feel fat and worthless, which leads to more eating, etc.

So, today, I'm starting a new plan. I'm going to try to get in some kind of exercise every day. Even if it's just walking around the block. I always feel better about myself after I exercise, even if I don't like the act of exercising, itself. As for soda, I'm switching to diet, then weaning myself off completely. My goal is to be soda free by fall. That gives me two months.

As for losing weight, I would love to just get to the point that I don't feel the need to scarf down an entire tube of Pringle's in one sitting. Any weight lost will be a bonus.

I'll try to keep track here of my progress, and maybe that will help me stay accountable. Pray for me!

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